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Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Visible, Undiagnosed Malady

by Rocky Wilson

Sit in on a meeting of mentally ill individuals, say those diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and a common theme from such folk, often indistinguishable from the “norm” once outside the meeting, is how they get no respect.

Though admittedly treated better than in past years, the mentally ill, in closed groups, often say, “Why can’t others look at us like people with diabetes or cancer instead of dipping their opinions of us to a lower level?”

But what about those with visible, undiagnosed maladies, such as men created by God with no butt?

* It doesn’t take long for men built in such a manner to find solace by cinching leather belts uncomfortably tight and, whenever possible, avoid the sport of bowling and the activity of taking photographs along sidelines at high school football games.

* Stomach pains and bruises often can be eliminated by loosening one’s leather belt, but that defeats the purpose of cinching it tight in the first place.

* Suspenders, if one can overcome the issue of vanity or cover the suspenders with a vest or jacket (admittedly a challenge on hot days,) can provide a viable option.

* Still, if one carries any more than minimal weight in their pants pockets, suspenders, over time, can tax shoulder muscles, especially those of the elderly.

* Possibly the best alternative for the butt-less man wanting to confront his deformity is to purchase and use a wide, stretch belt. It might take time to properly adjust the tension on the new belt, but the joy it can bring a man having fought the butt-less plague his entire life can be huge.

Don’t misunderstand, the introduction regarding the mentally ill wasn’t meant to draw parallels between that portion of society and those designed without butts. Instead, it was a journalistic trick to instruct the reader that everything is “fair game” when it comes to the Internet; even slanted humor with happy endings.

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